Ages ago, before I really knew you and I was still quite undecided as to whether or not you liked me as a person, you used to throw these lovely little compliments at me. I’d come to a dead halt for a few seconds, completely stopping whatever I was doing, and give you this bemused, perplexed look. Did I just hear you correctly? I’d cock my head to the side and shoot you a half smile. You’d stand there looking at me, never repeating yourself and me never asking you to. 

I usually post things like this on my personal tumblr, but I decided hey, why not here?

What we shared was beautiful, and it’s over. Your selfishness and greed killed it, and I hope you don’t ever tell yourself differently. Yes you tried very hard to get me back, but it was your original actions that ignited the shitstorm that drove us apart. You have yet to accept or own up to that. 

The guy I’m with now is incredible. He’s so mature and poised. He knows how to make a good first impression, and therefore my mother likes him. He has night black curls and smooth, porcelain skin. The contours of his body are so beautiful. He can get along with just about anyone, and doesn’t take offense to imaginary slights borne from imaginary offenses. He’s confident. I’ve never had better chemistry with another living soul. When we kiss, oh my fucking god. The tempo varies, but the rhythm is always the same. Hot and heavy, yet sensual and full of feeling. Sometimes slow, sometimes not. Drink me up baby, drink me down.

We are so compatible. I can spend exorbitant amounts of time with him, and never grow bored or agitated or stressed. He makes me laugh, not cry. He’ll take my hand and squeeze it so reassuringly every so often out of the blue, as if just letting me know, “hey, I’m here. I’m here for you”. He takes me out and shows me off. We actually have fun. He genuinely likes adventures, and isn’t afraid to just randomly go out and do something. The beach in less than a month is going to be absolutely wonderful, I can’t even fathom it.  

It has honestly been such a beautifully growing process. I’ve known him for months. We work together, after all. The first day I met him, I thought he would hate me. Occasionally, we’d smoke together. Sitting outside under the coldly shining stars, never really saying much. It was the joy of simply savoring the presence of another human being, a comfortable silence experienced despite the chaos of life. Sometimes we’d drive around his neighborhood, if it was too cold to stand outside. I remember cracking the window and reaching out to touch the night sky as he played the Gorillaz and packed a bowl. I remember being so stunned and coyly playing it off to myself that day in January when he said I’d gotten into his head, and he had trouble getting me out. He thought of me often. 

I loved that he didn’t say it with any intention. He knew I was taken, and he would be unable to get me away even if he did try. I was committed. He sensed this without me telling him. His reason for telling me that he was fond of me in a genuine sense was nothing but pure honesty. He truly and deeply felt it, to the point where it became almost necessary for him to tell me. I went back and read our conversations throughout the months, and I so wish I could put them here just so you guys can see how funny and innocent it was. He genuinely really liked me, and through the storm, I grew to genuinely really like him. He saved me. He is saving me. He saves me daily. 

I thought Drumstrong last year was amazing, and that there was no way this year could be better. But oh, how surprisingly mistaken I was. This year’s was flawless. You mesh so well with all of my friends, and I am overjoyed that you reach out to befriend them yourself. They love you. Such a refreshing, exhilarating change of pace, to have such approval from my friend base. Tripping with you, with all of them, bred memories that I will remember and hold dear forever. That was honestly one of the best nights of my life, and I’m so glad that you were there to experience it with me. I wouldn’t have rather shared it with anyone else. I chose not to write an extensive post about it, simply because there are some memories so beautiful and fully developed that they are better left to flourish in the recesses of the mind, untouched by the constraints of language. But oh, how thankful I am for that night. So very thankful. 

It makes me sad to the point of tears that I will be leaving in a few months time. I want to scream out and cry at the injustice of it. I don’t want to leave you. I don’t want to go so far. We’ve only just begun, and it’s already so beautiful. It sickens me that I spent so much time in something that was so unhealthy in the end. He robbed me of so much time. I would do anything to alter the course of this year so that we could have fallen into each other sooner. To take back some of the stolen hours, undoubtedly spent sobbing, and give them to you, someone who would never dream of making me cry. 

It won’t be goodbye, though. I’m sure of that. I’ve had certain thoughts, and I’ll tell you of them one day. 

Thank you, May eleventh. Or rather, thank you May. 

Of course I’m smiling. How could I not be?

School is almost over, and I’m going to an amazing university next fall.

I’m dating an incredible guy who treats me like gold, and we’re going to the beach in less than a month.

Last night was so beautiful. Perfection. Such an absolutely incredible time.

DRUMSTRONG 2012.

I loved last night. It was wonderful.

And today. I studied the entire Biology review book, and I think it gave me just the refresher I needed for the exam. I feel like I did well on it. We’ll see in July! Stopped at Molly’s for a bit, and now I’m talking to my roommate. 

This weekend is going to be incredible. We’re going to make it so. 

Life is beautiful lately.